Monday, August 22, 2005

Happy Monday!!!

Whew! A busy weekend, but fun!!
Friday night I went grocery shopping. Saturday we had Robbie's birthday party at the lake and then yesterday I just cleaned and tidied.

Saturday was nice, the weather cooperated and the kids had a good time. After we got home and the kids were bathed and getting ready for bed, Rob called to say that A offered to babysit so Bill and I could go over to their house and watch a movie! That was a nice treat!! Bill and I enjoyed ourselves. 'A' did a great job too!! When we got home Mariah had woke up and she had already warmed a bottle for her and was changing her diaper. Kayla was awake, but I had suspected that. Kayla had acquired the tummy bug that R and C had brought earlier that week. Of course Kayla started barfing while I was out grocery shopping on Friday night. It wasn't anything too bad, just some barfing. She held it together all day Saturday as well as Sunday, but her nighttime sleeping was off a bit.
Hopefully we can do that again sometime!!!

Yesterday, I didn't get as much done as I wanted, but that's typical!!LOL It was the 10yr anniversary of my Dad's passing, and my mind kept drifting. Especially as to how much has changed in my life, as well as the things that haven't.
10yrs ago..........I was 16 (Just about to turn 17) engaged to Bill, working full time at a Daycare, living with Bill and his parents! I was at work when I got the call from my mom. It was at 8:40am, I was just about to start my shift that day, Monday Aug.21st. I remember my mom saying "Terry is dead" me saying "Terry who?" and her saying "Your father, Penny, he was killed in a car accident this morning" That was what we knew at the time, although when I got down there, my cousin told me what really happened. I started screaming, not good in a daycare setting!! my boss and Cherie (SIL, we worked in the same Daycare) asked what they could do, if there was anyone they could call, all I could say was "Bill, just get Bill here" (on a side note: Bill and I had just gotten back together. I had 'left' him to find myself for a couple weeks as everyone was against us being together and being engaged. So ironically, I had gone to spend a few weeks with my Dad! I had just returned home on the 16th of Aug. Bill and I had spent the afternoon of the 18th together and decided we would stay together, but secretly so as no one could influence our relationship. Well that only lasted the weekend because of my Dad passing away) So Bill arrived in about 10min, usually it's a 20 min drive!! It felt so wonderful to have his strong arms wrapped around me as he led me out of the daycare. When we got in his car, I broke down. He asked where I wanted to go, I said I guess my house. When we arrived, my Mom flipped out....Because I was with Bill. She would not let me into the house to see my sister (who was 10 at the time), she locked the door and told me to get away. I screamed that I had to see my sister and gather my belongings (I had been staying there since I had gotten back from my Dad's) she wouldn't allow it. I remember driving away seeing my sister standing at the door screaming and crying because I could console her. Ugh, that was horrible. So we drove back to Bill's parents house and luckily Bill still had some of my stuff there (That was where I was living before everything happened) so we packed my stuff and set out on the 3hr drive to the small town where my Dad had lived. When we arrived my Uncles were moving all of Dad's belongings out of his house, I wandered was such a strange feeling knowing he would never be there again. His coffee mug was sitting rinsed out in the sink like he always did. Then my cousin showed up and took me for a walk, while we were walking he told me the truth about what had happened. I was shocked! Suicide??? I couldn't believe it. I know he was having some issues with his new girlfriend, they had both talked about the things with me while I was there. But I never knew it was that bad. For a small time, I felt horrible because I was irritated that he was bothering me with his problems. Afterwards I thought, if only I would have listened more closely and more attentively, I could've picked up on something (afterall I was trained in detecting suicidal speaking and signs in people from a class I took in Junior High for counseling teenagers).
We stayed for a few days, the funeral was the Friday the 25th, so we had driven home the Thursday so Bill could go into work (he worked nights at a gas station) and I could pack us some clothes to wear at the funeral. On the Tuesday we were allowed to view the body after all the 'work' had been done on him. It was so weird, he looked as though he was sleeping so peacefully. I told them how to comb his hair, took his belongings away with me, which I still have in a special box. I also kept his moccasins and his leather jacket that he wore when we used to ride on his motorcycle together. The funeral was really nice, my Dad;s family is Mormon, so the ceremony took place in the community LDS church. Then we buried him beside his Mom and Dad, where he had asked to be buried in his suicide note he had left.
It was so odd being at the dinner afterwards, I had never been to a function with this side of the family without my Dad before. Bill was by my side the entire time. We left the next day and that was that. I returned to Bill's parents house with Bill, placed the ring back on my finger and pressed on!! I made a vow to Bill that I was sure I wanted to marry him (even though I was sure before I had left!!LOL) and that I wouldn't let anyone cloud my mind again. Seven months later I conceived Alex!! That Father's Day Bill and I drove out to my Dad's gravesite so I could share the news with my Dad that I was going to be a Mama!! I haven't been to the site since then, and I really hope to go sometime soon. I don't speak with anyone from that side of the family (that's another LONG story!!LOL), but I hope someone has been taking care of his site, it's peacefully to know he his beside his Mom and Dad.

Well, that was a bit more long winded then I had expected to write!! Hopefully it makes sense because I was interrupted a gazillion times while writing!!

Now, I guess I should moving and tend to the laundry...the dishes.....the kids....and so on!!!
Have a blessed Day!!


Rebekah said...

I'm sorry yesterday was so rough for you. :-( I pray you are especially blessed today. Please know that you are thought of and prayed for. (praying your family is well soon too!!)