We are still trying to get outside and be able to have a fire and roast some marshmallows to welcome the Sun! The weather has not really been cooperating with that though! It's been a bit rainy so far this evening, but maybe we'll still make it out there!
Bill built me a wonderful other garden plot on the other side of yard. It looks really great! Right now in there I have planted some cauliflower, broccoli, Kale, strawberries, borage, tiger lilies, and some raspberry bushes! The other garden has carrots, radishes, tomatoes, catnip, beans, anise, summer savory and peas! Random containers around the yard and other spots have more raspberries, strawberries, tomatoes, herbs and flowers planted! I can't wait for everything to really get going! We also planted two apple tress as well...I am really looking forward to those maturing!
Still no news from my sister's autopsy results. This is a really hard part to contend with...even though we have a good idea and probable cause, it's still not complete closure and it's hard to break past the emotional goo and truly become healed or at least begin a true healing path.
It never goes away, of course, we always miss loved ones when they pass away. It will always be more a case of learning to live with that void in your life. She comes to me in my dreams sometimes and when I see her, she looks as though she is a fairy. I am not sure if that is because we both love fairies or that is what she became...at any rate it is comforting to see her in that light!
The kids seem to be healing alright. It's more difficult on the older ones because they have distinct memories of Auntie Kandie coming to visit and babysit them or just coming over and spending the weekend with us. The younger two don't really have any memories, especially Breanna. Which, itself is so heartbreaking. *sigh* Time is the only thing that will help heal and help us learn to live with the void of her missing in our lives.
Lot's on the table for this summer! A trip to Kelowna is on it's way! As is a day trip to Calaway Park (amusement park), the Zoo, Heritage Park and Bill and I are going to the Dinner Theatre for our anniversary this August.
This next year I feel will be a huge transformation. Emotional and physical. I feel that there is a difference that has been brewing and I have been finding my way through this journey. Finding a new soulfulness in my self and shedding old skins and revealing a much calmer and peaceful woman. I am tired of being trapped in a world of rules and it is time to let that go. Letting go is a definite theme. Letting go of fear. Letting go of negative energy. Letting go of hate and anger. Leaving in it's place only room for love and acceptance. Accepting that I cannot change people and cannot be responsible for their actions. Accepting that family and friends will lie, why I do not know, but it is what it is. I always have the ability to chose how I let their actions affect me and I am choosing to let it go. If I feel a situation coming to be where I know I am being lied to or about to be...I can remove myself from the situation physically or verbally.
I am feeling lighter and happier as I go, but it's a long path and journey. Meditation and Yoga are a tremendous help and are a definite part in this change. Allowing myself to be happy with who I am (mind, body and soul) quirkiness and all!! :)
So as I float through this journey I am allowing emotions to arise, I accept them for what they are and then let them go. I am doing no service to myself by re-living things from the past over and over again, even if it was last week. All I can do is be sure to live each day the very best I can and follow my heart with each experience. I can propel positive energy out to the universe and graciously accept it's positive energy in return! I can smile and show kindness. I can accept people for who they are. There are plenty of things I CAN do and it's better to focus on that.
On a completely un-related topic (well, kind of) we are all done 'school' for the year. I say that loosely because we are always learning, it's not like our brains just shut off because it's June!!lol
Next year Alex has decided to take on some highschool classes, all distance learning. Alyssa will be technically grade nine, but we will be doing stuff to help her get geared up for her highschool program the following year as she wants to attend Hair College. Robert is going into gr.7, Kayla Gr.5, Mariah Gr.3 and Matthew will officially join the 'schooling' group in Gr.1!! Yes, baby Matthew...lol....I can't believe it either! Breanna just loves to watch the other kids when they do projects and do their activities!
Alex is doing great working part time at a local grocery store, he has proven himself to be a great worker who is punctual, ethical, and determined. Not to mention the fact that he LOVES his job!
flyer route that they do to help out with the family finances, which is a huge help! I am very blessed to have such awesome kids and an awesome husband to enjoy life with! We have an exciting road ahead of us!
Blessings to you all!!!
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